Life does tumble in. We are not always prepared to deal with the harshness of losses. There is at first a great disbelief that this is happening and to you. You who were so sure that you had it all under control.
It's hard to go from ironclad security to moments only held together with a very little library paste.
You feel a persistent presence of anxious concern. It doesn’t go away ever! It is always there and you begin to wonder, will it ever go away? It doesn’t. The feelings of loneliness and anxious concern intensify. These feelings take charge. Dominating all your waking hours and most sleeping hours if you can sleep.
Friends begin to take note, telling you to “cheer up” you can’t! So I guess you will be this way until you do. You make some bad decisions that only a few weeks ago you wouldn’t have considered. These cause more problems. They add to the perception of others that you have come “unstuck in time”.
Depression mounts. You seek help, first from a few trusted friends. But it is beyond their ability to help. They cannot be mired down in your misery. You will drag them down too.
Then there is the miserable soul, buried in their own depression, who offers to comfort you as a link to the outside world. What a pair! But no way this can last. It is based on thin air.
The paid counselors step in - either by your own choice or forced by your friends or employer. You want some relief. You try this, never expecting that the process is just that a process. No fortune cookie fix here.
Meanwhile, the world goes on, most people are oblivious to your pain. You get angry saying, “Can’t you see that I hurt? Don’t you care?”
You try screaming at God. God can hear you without yelling. He has heard you already, carried you, and said softly although you don’t hear, “Much more comes thru sorrows door than sorrow. The lessons to be learned are great”.
So here I am. Well past those days. Each day I choose to be happy. Each minute I refuse to return to the valley of depression. Each new positive choice and experience adds to the well-being of a person coming to life years after birth. It is time, you know. Simply time.
I ask that I be given the opportunity to make choices. I do not ask for handouts, but the chance to glean from the spillage of the bounty of the universe.